High School Angst

So I was digging through a box of old school stuff, and I found this old poem I wrote my senior year for a poetry slam in English class. I have to share this with the world since it is so not who I am anymore.

I sit in my room Dark and Cold
With the stereo blasting and the door locked
I close my eyes and think of the world
Of the poor lonely insignificant people
Who put others down to make themselves feel better
The ones who say they’re happy
But they go home at night and cry
The ones who say they’ve seen the world
But the furthest they’ve gotten in Atlantic City
Where they go and throw their money away
On Keno and games of  High Low Poker with stacked decks
But that’s what the world is
A deck of cards stacked against you
No one can win
And everyone loses
Come one come all
To the biggest game that can never be won
But that wouldn’t be any fun
We feed on the pain and hurt of the world
We love the suffering and the hate of Society
That’s what my music tells me
“Let the bodies hit the floor”
Because this is a world where we are all born losers
Condemned to a life of hatred and terrorism
I guess we’re just lucky like that
A place like this is what kids dreams are made of
Bubblegum Sugarplums and School Shootings
It’s everywhere
The hate and ignorance of society is what keeps us in chains
We live day to day trying to survive
Asking ourselves is this the day we die
Is this the end?
Did we remember to kiss our Mommy and Daddy goodbye
Tell them we love them?
But we’re too young to die
So we deal with what is going on in the world
And we can’t make a change
We’re too young
We don’t know
We didn’t go to Nam
Or have to walk fifteen miles to school
In the snow
Barefoot
Uphill
BOTHWAYS
But no, we don’t know
We don’t see how we will ever win
We don’t thing that we will ever win
And we’re right
So underestimated and do under appreciated
We watch this everyday
And I see the shallow
The superficial
Them with their Prada bags
Their Gucci dresses
Giorgio Armani suits
Their 6 carat pink diamond
On a white gold band from Tiffany Co.
And it makes me sick
In this world where there is terror and hunger everywhere
They still treasure their 400 dollar purse
So I turn my music up louder
And close my eyes tighter
And slip from this world
To a place where I can be me

Ok, so if you know me, you know that I am the Tiffany ring Prada purse toting girl, now. It makes me smile when I think about it.

Bad haircuts and huge breasts.

I love different haircuts. I really do. I experiment with styles all the time. But the one part I hate is when it gets to the length that is absolutely useless. That's what ails me now. Stupid shoulder length hair that I hate. Too short to all go up in a pony without looking ridiculous and too long to wear down at work. So the bobby-pin is now my new best friend. This is just one of the things that is making me aggravated right now.

I am 23 years old, almost 24, and my boobs are STILL growing. We are talking two inches and a cup size in the last 5 months. And in the same time frame I have lost weight, so I really don't understand what is going on.

I am currently thoroughly engrossed in a Real Housewives of NY marathon. I love this show. I don't know why. And it sucks it's on at the same time as The Mentalist so I never get to watch it until I download it the next day. Bethenny Frankel is probably my personal hero. I love everything about her.

I am also in deep contemplation about changing my major. I think I will see how Summer and Fall semesters go and then decide. But I see good things in my future. That's the best feeling I have had in a while. The last few weeks I have just been in a really good place.

And my sister just came to visit me! It was awesome!!

And she brought my adorable nephew! I am really glad I got to spend a few days with them and see my nephew have so much fun. We did the zoo, science center, arch and turtle park. It was a blast. :]

I think I am going to go pour myself some wine and watch some more housewives while even more thoughts run through my head.

In My Mailbox

In My Mailbox is a weekly meme hosted by The Story Siren. I know, I know, I should do this on Mondays. But I just got this weeks fabulous finds all piled up and listed.

At the thrift store I found :
Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
Garden Of Shadows - VC Andrews
Good In Bed - Jennifer Weiner
White Oleander - Janet Fitch
He's Just Not That Into You - Greg Behrendt
In Her Own Sweet Time - Lehmann - Haupt
Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil - John Berendt


And I really have to share the fact that I found PRADA. Real, authentic, tagged Prada. 12 dollars. Be jealous.

Short Life Update..

Hey y'all. I know, I really suck at writing in this don't I? I go a week and blog like crazy then you don't hear from me for a month. Sorry about that. Things have been really insane lately.


Well, I am officially a full time college student. Awesome, I know. I start classes June 7th. I really can't wait. I am only taking online classes for the summer but come fall time I will be taking a full on campus course load. It only took me 6 years, but I am finally going to school. Woo.

Hmm. My best friend, Sherry, came to visit me in St Louis. It was amazing. We had a fabulous week!

This is us at the St Louis Zoo in front of the waterfalls. Shortly before she was chased around by a huge bird. Hilarious. We also got tattoos. And went to the top of the Arch!! Now, I know most people don't see why that would be a 2 exclamation point statement, but I am deathly afraid of heights. So getting me to the top of that 630 foot arch was not easy at all. And the tram thing that takes you up there is like a 4 foot tall cheese wheel. It was ridiculous. I was not please, I had a huge freak out. But I did it. See Busch Stadium from the top of the arch:

Woot. In other news, I found out that my ex fiance just plead guilty to second degree murder. Crazy to think just four years ago we were getting engaged, planning a wedding, planning a life together. And now I am in St Louis planning my future and he is planning 20 to life. It's insane the roads we go down.

I am slowly learning to stop and appreciate everything as it comes. I've definitely been stopping and smelling roses. And I know I always say this, but I really will try to be better about updating. I promise! :]

In My Mailbox

In My Mailbox is a weekly meme hosted by The Story Siren. I lucked upon finding some amazing deals at some local thrift stores. 25 cent paperbacks, amazing! These are all my fabulous finds.

Anita Shreve - The Pilot's Wife
Anne Rivers Siddons - Islands
Barbara Delinsky - Family Tree
Dan Brown - Deception Point
Darren Shaw - The Vampire Prince
Ella Kazan - The Under Study
Frank B. Gilbreth Jr - Cheaper By The Dozen
Franklin W. Dixon - The Hardy Boys
James Rollins - Map Of Bones
Jennifer Weiner - In Her Shoes
John D. MacDonald - The Green Ripper
Joyce Carol Oates - Them
JRR Tolkien - The Hobbit
Karen Chance - Claimed By Shadow
Kate Jacob - The Friday Night Knitting Club
Kyra Davis - Passion, Betrayal and Killer Highlights
L. Ron Hubbard - The Enemy Within
Laura Hillenbrand - Seabiscuit
Lemony Snicket Books 1 6 and 8.
Leslie Esdaile - Love Potions
Lois Lowry - Number The Stars
Matthew Pearl - The Dante Club
Meg Cabot - The Princess Diaries
Nicholas Sparks - A Walk To Remember
Olivia Goldsmith - The First Wives Club
Pat Conroy - The Prince Of Tides
Philippa Gregory - The Other Boleyn Girl
Robert Sharenow - My Mother, The Cheerleader
Robin Cook - Outbreak
Stephen King - Just After Sunset
Tilly Bagshawe - Adored
Vicki Lewis Thompson - Talk Nerdy To Me
William Kotzwinkle - ET


So, what's in your mailbox?

The 4 Month Challenge: Part Three

The 4 Month Challenge Part Three is another reading challenge that really interested me. I planned on reading books from almost all of these categories anyway, so now I just have a time limit. As I continue to read books, I will continue to update this. :]



5 Point Challenges
Read a book by an author you’ve never read before - The Lonely Bones - Alice Sebold
Read a book with a one word title - Envy - Anna Godberson
Read a book with an animal name in the title
Read a book with a proper name in the title
Read a fantasy

10 Point Challenges
Read an ‘Austenesque’ book
Read a book with a two word title - Moby Dick - Hermann Mehlville
Read a book that is part of a series
Read a book about a real person - Elizabeth - J. Randy Taraborelli
Read a mystery

15 Point Challenges
Read a book written in the 60’s (any century)
Read a book with a number in the title
Read a book by an author born in March, April, May or June.
Read a book with a three word title
Read a book by an author with three names

20 Point Challenges
Read a book with over 500 pages
Read a book with a four word title
Read a book by two authors
Read a book written in the 70s (any century)
Read a book that has been number one on the NYT Best-sellers list

In My Mailbox

In My Mailbox is a weekly meme hosted by The Story Siren. I haven't been able to buy books in a while, so I went a little crazy today.

Today at the Goodwill Thrift Store I bought:

 Susan Elizabeth Phillips - Glitter Baby
Robert Ludlum - The Bourne Ultimatum
Alisa Valdez-Rodriques - The Dirty Girls Social Club
Elin Hilderbrand - Nantucket Nights
Emma Campbell Webster - Lost In Austen
Linda Sue Park - Project Mulberry
Lynn Mason - The "L" Word
Caroline Goode - Cupidity
Janet Evanovich - Manhunt
Jahanna N. Malcolm - Love Letters Perfect Strangers
Aurelie Sheehan - The Anxiety of Everyday Objects
KJ Parker - The Company
Bryce Courtenay - The Power Of One
Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child - Riptide
James Frey - A Million Little Pieces
Faith Andrews Bedford - Barefoot Summers
Nancy Thayer - The Hot Flash Club
James Patterson - Along Came A Spider
Jane Smiley - Good Faith


The italics are the ones I plan to read for the YA Reading Challenge.

So what's in your mailbox?