Adventures In Debauchery

So, let me start by saying I love my apartment. It's in a convenient location, it's comfortable, it's home. Now, let me also say I can't stand my neighbors. Between the couple downstairs that I am sure are going to kill each other, and the couple next door who love to have sex, loudly and badly, at all hours of the day, I can't decide what's worse.

Now, you may have just read that and wondered "How can someone have sex badly?" Well, please let me explain. She never makes noise. Not ever. I hear the headboard. Bam Bam Bam Bam. Now, we all remember what happened to Carrie Bradshaw when she was in that situation in the episode when Charlotte married Harry. It's not a good situation. I am sure my neighbor can't ever walk. I have never seen her. But that only further reinforces my belief that he probably keeps her tied up to ravage at his will. And I also hear him. I have never, until now, had the pleasure of being in the proximity of a male shrieker. Let me tell you what, it's vastly over rated.

And it was not until Wednesday night that I had ever seen him. So here's the scene. I was inebriated. Badly. And I live on the third floor. So, when my friend came to get me, I had to get myself down my stairs on my own. (Why is everyone I know afraid of heights? Is it the shaky death stairs leading to my apt? The shaky banister? The fact that you can see the platform rotting out? Maybe the copious C clamps holding the whole structure together?) Well, my messed up self was hugging the wall the whole way down. Unfortunately, my neighbor chose this moment to come home. So, while scooching by, I definitely grabbed him. I don't remember it clearly, and my friend said I grabbed his front regions. Really smooth, huh?

When I got home from work on Thursday, ooh lucky me, he was outside again. He stopped me and asked if I was feeling better. I didn't even know how to handle that situation. Thank God I had someone with me, because I could have died of embarrassment. I thought I was going to have to move out. Luckily, even if he told his woman, she's probably still tied up in the closet, so I don't have to worry about an altercation. Unless she breaks free.

So if I stop posting out of no where, send in a search party. :]